“What Mask Do You Wear?”


It took many years for me to realize that I (Jerry) operated out of my unmet needs, which shaped many of my actions. I was what many would consider a “nice guy.” But in reality, my heart wasn’t so nice. Because of some core love deficits thmaskat only became known to me in my middle thirties, much of my love for others was driven by my own needs for acceptance. I put on my “people-pleaser/peacekeeper mask,” and I did whatever was necessary to avoid relational conflicts. I operated out of what is called a shame-based identity, which was built on a core of lies, mainly concerning myself. Unhealthy, toxic shame, which is established very early in childhood, says that there is something inherently wrong, flawed, or defective in me, and if you really knew me, you would not like me. As a result of believing this, I either grow up…

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