“Hiding From Love”


We remember asking a client to tell us which defense mechanisms he used in his life. All of a sudden, he started singing the lyrics to Simon and Garfunkel’s famous song, I Am a Rock (Used by paid permission). “I am a rock; I am an island. And a rock feels no pain; and an island never cries.”  Whoa! We call this defense mechanism self-sufficiency and self-reliance—and he lived life from this position. How does that work in relationships? Not very well. Sadly, not very well at all. Like others, he learned at an early age how to survive, but never how to live.

One young man told us that he was severely physically abused as a boy. He remembers lying in bed at night, afraid that monsters would come and get him (like his dad did when he was angry). He followed rigid rules of checking…

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