“What Mask Do You Wear?”

LIVING FROM A HEALED HEART

It took many years for me to realize that I (Jerry) operated out of my unmet needs, which shaped many of my actions. I was what many would consider a “nice guy.” But in reality, my heart wasn’t so nice. Because of some core love deficits that only became known to me in my middle thirties, much of my love for others was driven by my own needs for acceptance. I put on my “people-pleaser/peacekeeper mask,” and I did whatever was necessary to avoid relational conflicts. I operated out of what is called a shame-based identity, which was built on a core of lies, mainly concerning myself. Unhealthy, toxic shame, which is established very early in childhood, says that there is something inherently wrong, flawed, or defective in me, and if you really knew me, you would not like me. As a result of believing this, I either grow up…

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The Gift

Turning the page, on yet another year, She wondered if it was finally her time. To live for herself, and take her life off the shelf, To tackle that mountain and climb. But the journey seemed far, …

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Plump and Circumstance

One size does not fit all. Whomever decided that particular description was an accurate size determination, was clearly never a size that was more ample than the norm. Over the years, I had grown w…

Source: Plump and Circumstance

The Real Life Hunger Games

Amazing!!!!  A must read!!!

 

There it was…the supermarket, looming in the distance, the arena for Round One of the games. Set against an ominous backdrop of foreboding skies, it was a place once filled with frolic and fo…

Source: The Real Life Hunger Games

574 Days After Day One…

The story continues… Once Day One had come and gone, I was terrified that failure was inevitable. That first week was a big wake up call, and knew that I that I needed to pace myself. Because…

Source: 574 Days After Day One…

Day One

Kudos to kelleekate.com!

We all have a day one. Mine was February 13, 2016. I too, was shocked and emotional when I got back on the scale and saw the largest number of my entire life. I realized the truth on that day. Once again, I had used food to deal with my emotions. But this time, I used it to grieve the loss of my Mother.

On that day, my back hurt, my legs hurt, my knees hurt and I remember sitting in that first meeting trying to tell myself something other than the truth.

I tried to tell myself that I was still in control and then I could lose the weight again and that things aren’t really as bad as they were.

I tried to tell myself that it really wasn’t that big of a deal that I couldn’t walk 200 feet without extreme pain and getting winded.

I tried to tell myself that it was okay to continue to put myself to the side. I didn’t want to die, I just didn’t want to participate in living.

I tried to tell myself that it was easier to eat fast food and whole bag of chips instead of giving my body a chance to heal itself and get off of the junk and the alcohol.

All those thoughts went through my head… Right there in the middle of that Weight Watchers center. All within just a matter of a few minutes.

Familiarity is a blessing and a curse. It’s a curse because it helps me insulate myself. But the truth is, familiarity and comfort just lead to more depression, more pain and a slow descent to death.

Today is day 99 for me. I have lost 36 pounds and I’m on my way to 40, hopefully by Memorial Day.

So, I said all that to say a big thank you for the person that wrote the blog that I’m sharing now.

She knows what it’s like and she’s been there. Thank you for sharing your Journey!

Same Hat, Different Me

It all starts with Day One.

Day One is hopeful-

Day One is brave-

And Day One is the metaphorical line in the sand.

It’s the day that we finally protest, “Enough is enough”, and declare “I want more!”

It’s the crusade of a Warrior headed into an epic showdown for all the marbles.

When we come to the place where we cannot march forward without taking decisive action-

It’s the battle cry of the weary,  and it echoes,”I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I’m ready for a change!”

We raise our collective fists to the gods of circumstance and shout, “Let’s do this!”, with all of the motivation and good intentions that we can muster.

It’s the day that we put our foot down with purpose, and then silently ask, “What the French toast have I gotten myself into?”

Because, let’s face it, Day One is a gigantic leap of faith.

It’s a promise that we…

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“Healing Our Hearts and Releasing Our Creativity”

Wonderful post!!!

Don’t mute the colors that God designed to shine!!

LIVING FROM A HEALED HEART

One thing we have observed frequently over the years is how the healing of our hearts can result in a release of our creativity. For example, we recall a woman who was a wonderful artist who had laid down her painting for years. As she began to work with us and pursued the healing of her heart, she eventually felt the desire to resume her painting. As a result, a gift that God had given her was now being used again and many were blessed by it. Most of all, God was blessed to see her heart becoming alive again. The painting was just an expression of what had occurred in her heart.

The Glory of God is a Heart Fully Alive

The above quote from Irenaeus is so very true and it is such a joy for us to see hearts come alive! God is the ultimate Creator—just look…

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Of “Corset” Matters

Take a second to read this!  Insightful and so true!!!  Excellent post from Same Hat Different Me

 

We all have a list. A list of things that we look forward to fulfilling and coming about, once we’ve hit our weight loss goals. Most of these things are extremely poignant and emotional- l…

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Day 21- The Beauty in The Sound of Silence

When I was a child, I spent a lot of time getting to know my Grandparents and Great Grandparents. 

What a blessing that was!

During the times that I would visit my Great Grandparents, there was always a night time routine of sorts.

Dinner, bath, TV time and then off to bed. 

During TV time, My Great Grandmother would often go back to her room, crawl into her bed and listen to a baseball game on her bedside radio.  Other times, she just listened to the sounds of the cattle out back or the cars passing by.

Whenever she did go to bed early,  I would often leave the TV room and try to sneak up on her bedside. 

Of course,  the floors were so creaky, I don’t know who I thought I was fooling!

One night, after being discovered by her bed, I crawled up next to her and said, “Mom, why do you like to go to bed so early?”

She replied, “To stretch my legs out.”

As a young child, that made zero sense! 

Now, as a 46 year old woman, I completely understand her answer.

Tonight, after going through all 120 channels on TV and concluding that there was NOTHING on, I came back to my room, got ready for bed and am now in the process of “stretching my legs out”.

While I don’t hear cattle, I do hear bugs, and dogs and well….Silence.

The beauty of the silence is that for me it’s no longer a noisy, dark place.

I have surrendered the things in my life that were weighing me down and am no longer bound.

I can enjoy the silence along the journey!

To sum it all up, there is a song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called Almost Home.

In the song, she speaks of past relationships and hurts but mostly she sings about not running out, not hiding out and not reaching.

To me, being able to enjoy the silence is almost like being a child again when I was home with my Great Grandmother on those nights.

So…take some time out along this journey, let go of whatever is weighing you down and “stretch out your legs!”

Journey On!!!

Day 20 – The Day Before the “Habit”

They say it takes 21 days to form a habit.

So, I guess tomorrow I will have officially replaced a lot of bad habits with several new habits.

Tonight though….I gotta admit…I was:

Tired
Anxious
Bored
Undecided

As I drove home, it seemed like each one of those emotions translated into a food craving and I am not talking about healthy garden salads with lite dressing!

My mind went all over the place as I drove from Duluth to Buford.  I was thinking about:

Subs
Burgers
Pizza
Chicken Wings
Mexican
Chinese
Steak

But you know what was funny?  I would “propose” some way to eat some of the food listed above and then immediately say “Nah….You’ve come too far….”

That sentence was followed by, “But everyone deserves a break!”

Again, “Nah….Not a good idea.”

So, after passing all of the fast food opportunities on my route, I turned into my subdivision and walked directly into my house….Did not pass go, did not collect $200….Went directly to my chair.

Well…Dinner was simple.  Scrambled eggs and toasted Ezekiel Bread.

Now I am full. 

Moral of the story is this: 

Don’t ever allow yourself to become too tired and past hungry if you struggle with weight.

Your flesh wants to be soothed.  Doesn’t matter what the need is!

Your body is going to help you think of a way to rationalize your actions. 

Instead, take a moment and recognize what is really happening.

What is the real need?

Is it physical? 

Is it stress? 

Is it fear?

Once you take time out and identify what the core of the issue is, do what I did tonight and count the cost.

Will doing what you are contemplating help you to love yourself more?  Or will it result in more harm?

Psalm 139 is God’s Love Letter to us.  There is nowhere we can go to hide and nothing we can do to surprise Him.  He created us and knows every aspect of US.   Even more than we know ourselves!

There is a wonderful website called The Father’s Love Letter . It has a beautiful narrative illustrating God’s love for us. 

Check it out!

In the meantime, keep pushing through….Even if the best you can do is look down while you walk.

Just keep walking and Journey On!!!